Reznet

Luella N. Brien and friend (Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer) on Graduation Day 2006. Courtesy photo

Out of College. Now What?

By Luella N. Brien

CROW AGENCY, Mont.—Over the course of the year I've been feeling a little melancholy. The dream of being an award-winning journalist is pretty much gone. I'll settle for being a paid journalist.

No one ever told me that the dream of actually getting a college degree meant pleading with the student loan people not to garnish my wages. Getting the degree meant commuting two hours each day and still reporting my income for food stamps and Medicaid.

Yes, this degree that was supposed to set me free has somehow tied me down. But still, I do have a job. And having the simple piece of paper that says I know how to do my job made it possible.

So maybe it's worth the $20,000 of debt I've acquired.

One thing lifted my spirits this year, and it was working in Denver at the annual Native American Journalists Association convention as a news editor of the conference paper, Native Voice, done by college students.

As a reporter you kind of forget how much work goes into a news story. It gets written, then edited, then rewritten, then copy-edited, then placed on the page. Then it gets a final proofreading.

Dang! That's a lot of eyes!

But the entire process was amazing to me, because as a reporter I never cared to pay much attention to editing. I write and rewrite—that is, when I remember to rewrite. Half the time I forget.

But editing may have become my new passion, because when I was doing it I felt the passion again. The fire was back.

After reading a first draft, I'd be into the entire process. I could sit and work with the students for hours. The one-on-one editing process was perfect for me, because I’m very social and I enjoy asking questions, but I’m just not too keen on reporting these days.

But as an editor/mentor to the college students I felt like I was actually doing something worthwhile. A person’s job has to be rewarding, and as a mentor I feel like I’m doing something that makes a difference.

As a reporter I know I do make a difference, but I just don't feel it. I read thankful e-mails and smile, but for some reason the passion isn’t quite there. I do plan on being a reporter for a few more years, but why do I always feel the need to change careers when I change calendars?

For a while I wanted to run a T-shirt business, I wanted to be a radio deejay. Sometimes I just want to be a stay at home mom.

It could be my nomadic nature. Being a Crow, I am always on the go, but I'm never on time. I've had to explain to people that when I say 4 p.m. I will probably show up at 6 p.m.

I leave when I feel like it, and I come home when I feel like it. It's Crow time. It's all based on feeling.

Crow time is always the right time

When it's time to change my career, I'll know, because I can feel what time it is.

Luella N. Brien, Crow, is a reporter at the Billings (Mont.) Gazette. She is a graduate of the University of Montana School of Journalism and of the Freedom Forum's American Indian Journalism Institute. As a student, she was a reznet staff member.