Reznet

Letting Go

By Christie Cooke

A child will be molded into the person they will become in the first five years of his/her life it is said in the study of early childhood education. Therefore those years are most critical.

Those words are not taken lightly as I pondered the “right” ways to raise my children.

I am one of the few of who has escaped a harmful relationship. I am no longer a part of that vicious cycle that hurts women and children I am proud to say.

I do not know how or why I lived in those ways for so long? I knew then it was wrong. Today it is still wrong.

I have asked many women who have experienced the same things I have in my past relationship. Why? How? Those same women do not have answers just as I do not.

The only reason I am free of such a lifestyle is because of my children.

I knew in my heart that for my daughter and son to become healthy children, and, eventually, men and women, was to show them that the ways I was living and being treated, especially during pregnancy, was not a healthy way of life.

Being very blunt, I did not want my daughter to learn that being called that repulsive five letter word was normal. I wanted her to know that when she was hurt and sick, she could trust in me to take to her to the hospital and care and help her heal. She would not be ridiculed or left alone. I want my daughter to learn that being verbally abused, or any form of abuse, is wrong, and lying, cheating, not just in a relationship, but in life, as well, are not values to embrace.

As for my son, I knew I did not want my son to learn, even fathom, that womanizing was right. I want my son to become an intelligent, strong, healthy man, and in the future, one that takes care of his family.

I was told that I was supposed to make a man happy (which I believe in part), and I failed to do so in my past attempts (miserably, for that matter, but I became a product of the environment I once lived in, I say), but all of this is minuscule when considering who my children are now and who they will become in the future.

I have done right for me and my children, I know. It came solely at my expense, I was told, and I concur. However, the price I paid for it was not worth it!

I am just so glad this is over, and it feels so good to let go.

Christie Cooke, Navajo, has a master of fine arts degree in creative writing from the University of Arizona. She is a graduate of the Freedom Forum's 2007 American Indian Journalism Institute.