By Cynthia Lee, Navajo

Growing up knowing nothing but the Navajo tradition above any other I thought it would be difficult to tell my parents, “I’m gay.” But it was everything that was passed down to me from my parents and grandparents that gave me the strength to finally confront the situation and be honest with myself and my parents. It was something that I knew I wouldn’t be able to run away from. It was also something that would help me move forward in my own life.

My name is Cynthia Lee and I am a full blooded Navajo. I’m currently attending theUniversityofNew Mexico–Gallup. I grew up in several places throughout the four corners, mostlyArizonaandColorado. I eventually would end up inGallup,NMwhere it seems I’ve been able to focus most on family and school.

Like every girl in high school, I had boyfriends but none of which I could see myself with later on in the future. Even when I was a kid, I never saw myself having a husband. I knew I wanted children, but there was never a ‘husband’ in the picture. There was no realization that this was a bit out of the ordinary, that is until I had that conversation with my parents about wanting kids later on.

I remember telling my parents, they don’t have to worry about me having kids at a young age because I saw myself as a single parent after I finished school and didn’t need to rely on anyone but myself. They asked, “You don’t want a husband?” I responded, “No,” then quickly changed the subject. I knew I didn’t want a husband. Then in high school, my best friend turned into my girlfriend. It was about my sophomore year I had a feeling that I didn’t want a husband but a female partner. Thinking about that made me worry more than anything.

Moving from town to town, and being as small as they were I thought that keeping all these thoughts going through my head to myself was the safest thing to do. Dating guys was the best way for me to keep people from thinking otherwise. After high school I lived on my own for a few months with my girlfriend, away from where I grew up. This experience was my motivation to finally tell my parents. I didn’t want to hide anymore, that was the best feeling in the world. There was so much build up to the moment when I finally told my mom and my dad. It was a little funny because I remember saying, “You guys can’t be mad.” For the 10 seconds in-between that and the “I’m gay” statement, I had the feeling that they knew what was coming.

I was always so afraid to tell them but I knew it wouldn’t get to the point of my parents saying they would disown me or anything so extreme, I was more afraid of being some disappointment to my parents or them being ashamed of me. But after nodding their heads for a moment, my mom says “Cindi, we already knew.” They both went on to say that, being gay is never going to change the fact that they love me. My mom also said, “What bothered us most was that we knew you were lying to us. We just want to have that relationship where you aren’t afraid to come to us about anything.” My dad was quiet at first but then turned to me and said “In the Navajo tradition there are gay people. Obviously there are people that are gay. But in our tradition they are held in a different light, they are sacred because in a way they have two souls.” My dad is very traditional so this coming from him, I knew things were going to be fine.

It’s been about five years since I came out and the relationship with my parents is better than it was before. After going through something like that and being able to come out of it a stronger person and a stronger relationship with my parents, it was a better outcome than I had imagined. I know not every “coming out” story is the same or ends on good terms, but having someone to relate, helps. I’ve been someone young family members and friends can confide in about things going on internally.

I want to share my experiences because I don’t think that the young, gay, Native woman’s perspective is brought to light enough. My traditions are what made me strong enough to confront my homosexuality and see that it’s not something I need to hide.

Cynthia Lee is a student at the University of New Mexico-Gallup. This is her first in a series of blogs for Reznet.